I’m never upset for the reasons I think, BUT I am upset for the reasons I FEEL!
I was recently asked about the moment that shifted my life and path towards healing. I recalled one of the scariest and pivotal moments in my life. Where my path was leading me down the exact same path I’ve gone down with numerous past partners.
One of the scariest and most important things to do for people who have been put in the position of visit is for them to step into their emotional sympathetic nervous system (fight/flight/freeze) and follow the nervous system back to your emotional pain source in your early childhood. In NeuroPsychology this is called your A.C.E. (adverse childhood event). The most important lesson is for them to learn that they are not upset for the reasons they think, but they are upset for the reasons they feel.
Many people think that the nervous system regulation is about being calm. Not necessarily the case when it comes to your homeostasis and your balanced state.It means realizing that you are not consciously regulating your nervous system in response to what the situation you are currently in and what that situation demands of you. Your fight/flight/freeze mechanism serves a purpose. It doesn’t serve a purpose if it’s constantly stuck in the “on” position. This mechanism is known as the Thalamic Gate, a very primitive part of the brain that regulates your safety. Some refer to this as your ego and how it serves this protective function.
But the flight/flight/freeze mechanism can help you detect the trigger point and provide you the energy necessary to discover where that pain source comes from in your early years and stick up for yourself. If it’s not function well, you will fear your past to such a level that only a current situational upset can connect you to that past pain.
Therefore, I’ve also been realizing that I must be mindful of my trigger moments. This is true meditation and mindfulness. Many of us think of meditation as automatically a good thing and the more meditation we do the better, but this can actually be part of the fight/flight/freeze mechanism. Meditation for many is used when they are upset and just need to calm their mind down. Meditation becomes another coping mechanism and this avoidance “mindfulness” has become socially acceptable and promoted.
It becomes a further way for us to “check out” of reality and distance ourselves from the upset and simply distract our minds temporarily. Many people feel the need to disassociate during these peak emotional moments, yet the truth is the complete opposite. The sympathetic nervous system has emotional avoidance strategies built in. Now is the time to step through these and embrace the healing that is coming. For people who are trying to “calm down”, meditation can be spiritual bypassing for what the current situation was guided you to do.
In deep spiritual therapy, the way to get “unstuck” is to follow the emotional energy upset back to the moment that activated the fight/flight/freeze response. Maybe, at the moment you were first felt “I’m not good enough”, where you were not allowed to express your upset. You need to connect with that little part of you that didn’t have the strength of cognitive understanding about what was happening. You need to bring your adult insight into your emotional childhood memory.
Therefore, to get yourself out of the “freeze” you many need to be able to experience your upset, stick up for that little part of yourself. This understanding of your emotional trigger may provide you some insight as to why most people make boundaries with someone in order to avoid feeling those old unwanted feelings. Wanting to keep the peace, not be a bad boy/girl or trying to maintain your mind’s balanced state, you have kept quiet.
Many people once they feel their parasympathetic nervous system being triggered will use spiritual teachings as a way to simply spiritual bypass the situation. They will try to “be in the moment”, put a pretty white light over the other, or go for a walk in a park. There are numerous ways to avoid your healing when the universe provides you the greatest teacher to assist you in your stepping beyond the Thalamic Gate.
I remember when a situation where I knew that I was not upset for the reasons I thought. Instead of stopping which I thought was the logical thing to do, I got more upset. I quickly said to the person in front of me, “I know this isn’t about you, but I have to keep yelling to find out where it comes from”. I followed the emotional sympathetic nerve pathway back to the original source of pain. I realized my button that had pushed by many previous partners was simply a way to guide me through my inner shadow and discover Little Me shivering in the corner of my mind. I felt intense fear as I stepped into these emotions flooding me. I was drowning in these emotions, but I kept swimming through. I had never been so scared in my life.
As I felt into the current situation and realized it triggered decades of suppressed anger in me. I realized my past partners were angels instead. I felt an intense pain in the top of my head, and it was such an intense trauma release I realized I couldn’t ever again be upset for the reasons I thought. Memories of all those times I got angry with the person in front of me, yet kept my focus on the button pusher instead of MY button that was being pushed.
This suppressed emotion was stored in various parts of my body that were simply trying to guide me back to my past. Once the connection and more importantly the correction was made, numerous health issues simply left the parts of my body.
It felt scary because it was completely new and went against everything that my mind, body and the spiritual thing to do. I found authentic healing in stepping through the ego veil, instead of falling back on techniques like distracting my attention via the News, Energy Healing, Reiki, Pot, Bach Flower Remedies, Going for a walk in nature, Alcohol, The Law Of Attraction, Positive Affirmations, ACIM, Yoga, Meditation, Hockey, Football, Soccer, Movies or mindless TV shows. Stepping into my sympathetic nervous system allowed me to realize that the “reality” of my life was only a unconscious perception of my projections of unresolved childhood trauma.
My point is, there are so many ways that the internet provides us to use spiritual tools in the same addictive and avoidance ways that substances are used. Many people will continue to do whatever their family system avoidance genetics guide them to do. It is difficult when so many teachers provide new spiritual avoidance techniques and market them through acceptable sources like Mind Valley and accepted Spiritual Teachers. And your emotional self regulation system doesn’t necessarily mean that it is regulated back into a healthy or evolving state.
Your healing and letting go of “it”, means feeling what the real “it” is. There is no cognitive path to healing. Your healing comes from your emotional pathway. That was the way it originally was formed and that is the way to discover your unconscious MetaBelief.